13 painful memories from primary school music that will trigger deep trauma

17 August 2020, 17:12 | Updated: 17 August 2020, 19:39

Obscure percussion instruments, saliva-drenched communal recorders and lustily-sung out-of-tune hymns. Makes you think, how come we ever grew to love music?

Please allow us to trigger some very specific memories of playing out-of-tune recorder, paying very close attention to your part in ‘Frère Jacques’ and deafening your poor supply teacher with a cowbell.

1. Fighting over the coolest instrument in the box, the rainstick

   It was like you were IN the jungle.

2. Playing an excruciating, semi-tone-flat ‘Hot Cross Buns’ on recorder

   why did everyone play the recorder in fourth grade what were they training us for

   — christian delgrosso (@christiand) June 20, 2015

   It was the ultimate gateway instrument.

   Read more: Why did we learn to play the recorder at school? >

3. Wondering what the heck that wooden frog was supposed to do

   

   Is this supposed to sound like a frog? I am unconvinced.

4. Successfully singing Frère Jacques in a round, and just being incredibly proud

   I am a virtuoso and no one shall convince me otherwise.

5. Coming in one bar early for verse three, and the entire school’s laughter consuming your soul

   So, this is what the end of the world feels like.

6. Being tasked with making your own musical instrument, and only mentioning it to your mum the day before

   “Muuuumm, do we have any duct tape, empty cereal boxes or garden string?”

7. Singing hymns that were absolute bangers

   do you ever just randomly remember the hymns you used to belt out at primary school you'll be walking along minding your own and next minute in your head ur like HES GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDSSSSS

   — ab (@whatabbiesays_) January 3, 2018

   *throws arms out to both sides with glee*

8. There being that one incredible kid who should already be at the Royal Academy

   Come on Ken chill out with the vibrato, you’re showing us all up here.

9. Putting things up the end of your recorder, and getting them stuck

   The end of a recorder? It’s a perfectly normal habitat for a pipe cleaner, why d’you ask?

10. The incessant shaking of maracas and tambourines

    Flatmate showing off all her music skills.
    
    I dont want to embarrass her so I'm not going to mention how I rocked the tambourine in school.

    — Effi Mai (@EffiMai) March 22, 2015

    Your poor, poor teacher.

11. Being told you can’t sing, and living with that sadness forever

    Never tell a 9-year-old they’re tone deaf. That kind of negativity stays with you for life.

12. Being made to sing your name in the register

    A very particular kind of cruelty.

13. Absolutely nailing your xylophone glissandi

    This was the ultimate way to impress your crush.