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Relaxing Evenings with Zeb Soanes 7pm - 10pm
22 November 2017, 15:20 | Updated: 22 November 2017, 15:56
There are certain phrases conductors always pull out of the bag during rehearsal – and we’ve translated them for you. Get ready for some tough love…
What they actually mean: “Roughly 19 more times”
What they actually mean: “Your posture is just awful, I can barely look at you”
What they actually mean: “Over the next couple of years, you’ll get pretty used to me shouting and spitting at you. But it’s going to be OK.”
What they actually mean: “You’re horrendously out of tune”
What they actually mean: “Seriously, you’re 35 years old. Please learn to count to 4”
*clicks aggressively*
What they actually mean: “Trumpets, play in tune please”
What they actually mean: “Your lack of enthusiasm is killing me right now”
What they actually mean: “Yeah, we’re only finishing early if you get it right.”
What they actually mean: “Where the heck are the brass? Are they still at the pub?”
What they actually mean: “We’ll play through the break, and go approximately 15 minutes over time too but you won’t be able to object because we’ll be halfway through Mahler 3 by then” *evil laugh*
What they actually mean: “For the love of God, just count will you?!!”
What they actually mean: “If you chat between movements, I will be late to the pub. And that’s absolutely not happening.”
What they actually mean: “If you actually practised, you'd get to play interesting music like Shostakovich and Stravinsky”
What they actually mean: “PLAY WHEN I POINT MY BATON OK?? OK.”
What they actually mean: “You finally listened to what I've been saying for the past six months”