How to play the violin, according to stock photos
Teachers, be gone. Hours of practising? Not for us. We're learning the violin with a little help from a bunch of generic stock photos. And this is what we've learnt...
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1. So you want to play the violin
Here are a few tips to make you look as cool as this guy. Photo: Getty
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2. It's all about the hair
Forget the hours of lessons and practice. Just ditch the conditioner for a while and you'll be a virtuoso in no time. Photo: Thinkstock
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3. See?
Stock up on gel. You'll need plenty. Photo: Thinkstock
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4. Seek out the extreme
And if it all gets too much, you should definitely set yourself on fire. Photo: Thinkstock
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5. Surround yourself by the elements
Water always adds emotion and drama. Photo: Thinkstock
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6. Surroundings are everything
If there's a firework display happening nearby, it's time to roll. Photo: Thinkstock
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7. It's not always about technique
If in doubt, hold the violin by your armpits and inspect it as you jab away on the open strings. Sublime. Photo: Thinkstock
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8. Never look directly at a violin
When you play, a wistful gazing into the distance is imperative. That way you won't notice the ladder mysteriously attached to your head. Photo: Thinkstock
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9. Hat's the spirit
You've rendered your violin unplayable thanks to a badly judged French manicure. Cheer yourself up by holding it awkwardly against your body and wearing a large hat. Photo: Thinkstock
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10. Blue steel
A good pout convinces everyone about the virtuosity and emotion of your playing. Photo: Thinkstock
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11. Money talks
Make it clear you're a professional player. Staple cash to your head. Photo: Thinkstock
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12. The naked truth
We're shocked and appalled. There's FAR too much rosin on that fingerboard. Photo: Thinkstock
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13. Improvise
I mean, sure, that's fine too... Photo: Thinkstock
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14. Back to basics
Keep the violin and bow away from each other at ALL COSTS. Even if that means holding the violin the wrong way around. Photo: Thinkstock
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15. A bum note
Everyone knows holding the violin at your neck is for losers. How else will you show off those high-waisted khaki trousers? Photo: Thinkstock
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16. Most importantly, keep smiling
A real pro doesn't let a mild electrocution get in the way of their solo career. Photo: Thinkstock