The funniest quotes about classical music
Stars of the classical music world and beyond offer their best one-liners.
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1. Mozart
“I write as a sow piddles.” - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
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2. Woody Allen
“I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.” - Woody Allen
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3. Alexander Dumas
“Music is the only noise for which one is obliged to pay.” - Alexander Dumas
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4. John Barbirolli
“Three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated.” - John Barbirolli on modern music
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5. Arnold Bennett
“The saxophone is the embodied spirit of beer.” - Arnold Bennett
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6. Hans von Bülow
“A tenor is not a man, but a disease.” - Hans von Bülow
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7. Igor Stravinsky
“My music is best understood by children and animals.” - Igor Stravinsky
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8. Edvard Grieg
“I am sure my music has a taste of codfish in it.” - Edvard Grieg
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9. Aristotle
“The flute is not an instrument that has a good moral effect.” - Aristotle
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10. Richard Strauss
“Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them.” - Richard Strauss
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11. Gustav Mahler
“Don’t bother to look, I’ve composed all this already.” - Gustav Mahler
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12. Gustav Holst
“Music-making as a means of getting money is hell.” - Gustav Holst
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13. George Gershwin
“My voice is small but disagreeable.” - George Gershwin
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14. Thomas Beecham
“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.” - Thomas Beecham
