The funniest quotes about classical music

Stars of the classical music world and beyond offer their best one-liners.

1. 

   1. Mozart

   “I write as a sow piddles.” - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

2. 

   2. Woody Allen

   “I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.” - Woody Allen

3. 

   3. Alexander Dumas

   “Music is the only noise for which one is obliged to pay.” - Alexander Dumas

4. 

   4. John Barbirolli

   “Three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated.” - John Barbirolli on modern music

5. 

   5. Arnold Bennett

   “The saxophone is the embodied spirit of beer.” - Arnold Bennett

7. 

   6. Hans von Bülow

   “A tenor is not a man, but a disease.” - Hans von Bülow

8. 

   7. Igor Stravinsky

   “My music is best understood by children and animals.” - Igor Stravinsky

9. 

   8. Edvard Grieg

   “I am sure my music has a taste of codfish in it.” - Edvard Grieg

10. 

    9. Aristotle

    “The flute is not an instrument that has a good moral effect.” - Aristotle

11. 

    10. Richard Strauss

    “Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them.” - Richard Strauss

13. 

    11. Gustav Mahler

    “Don’t bother to look, I’ve composed all this already.” - Gustav Mahler

14. 

    12. Gustav Holst

    “Music-making as a means of getting money is hell.” - Gustav Holst

15. 

    13. George Gershwin

    “My voice is small but disagreeable.” - George Gershwin

16. 

    14. Thomas Beecham

    “A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.” - Thomas Beecham

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